Long Distance, Bit Weird

UNLOCKED! Bonus Episode 7: The Great Stink of 1858

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.
This week, due to international scheduling difficulties, we're releasing a recent Patreon bonus episode here on the main feed. Enjoy, as Sooz tells Michael the hilarious/disgusting story of the Great Stink of 1858, when unusually hot weather exacerbated the stench of untreated human waste and industrial effluent in the River Thames and made London smell like huge ass. Things were so nasty that people were sick in the streets and the government considered fleeing the capital for Oxford. Listen up to learn how the government solved the Stink, and to hear about the funniest royal boating trip in history.
ALSO: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News."
---
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
ATTENTION: HUMOUR FANS - Michael Balazo's new, much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals" is out NOW! Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for on Bandcamp now!
SHOWS!
July 12th - Sooz at Sunday Cabaret @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London - TICKETS
See Sooz in Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow - TICKETS
See Sooz's new show "Imposter" at the Edinburgh Fringe, August 15-23 - TICKETS
July 25 - Michael is doing standup at Just Four Laughs - Comedy Bar Toronto - TICKETS

E29: Keith Richards' 1977 Toronto Drug Bust

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.
This week, Michael tells Sooz the bizarre story of Keith Richards' 1977 arrest for heroin possession in Toronto. Facing up to seven years in Canadian prison, Keith's troubles could have ended the Rolling Stones... until a fan's intervention convinced a judge to free Keith, and led to the "Satisfaction" rockers playing two charity concerts in Oshawa, Ontario for the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. Plus, did Ronnie Wood hug and kiss Margaret Trudeau? Listen to find out all the latest gossip!
ALSO: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News."
---
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
ATTENTION: HUMOUR FANS - Michael Balazo's new, much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals" is out NOW! Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for on Bandcamp now!
And be sure to check out the video for Michael's smash hit Canadian World Cup 2026 anthem "Canada is Balls."
 
SHOWS!
See Sooz in Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow TICKETS
July 2nd - Sooz at Hamlet Comedy Club @ Dulwich FC, London TICKETS
July 12th - Sooz at Sunday Cabaret @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London TICKETS
See Sooz's new show "Imposter" at the Edinburgh Fringe, August 15-23. TICKETS

E28: Oasis vs Blur - The Battle of Britpop

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.
Oasis. Blur. Dodgy. Who were the true winners of the so-called Battle of Britpop that rocked the UK in August of 1995?* This week, Sooz tells Michael about the time that Oasis and Blur released pop singles on the very same day. It's a story fuelled by cigarettes, alcohol and countless swears. So, whether you prefer Roll With It or Country House, this week's episode is guaranteed to make you "mad fer it."
PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News."
* Dodgy were the winners
---
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
ATTENTION: HUMOUR FANS - Michael Balazo's new, much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals" is out NOW! Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for on Bandcamp now!
And be sure to check out the video for Michael's smash hit Canadian World Cup 2026 anthem "Canada is Balls."
 
SHOWS!
See Sooz in Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow TICKETS
June 28th - Sooz Kempner - IMPOSTER WIP @ Chippenham Comedy Fest TICKETS
July 2nd - Sooz at Hamlet Comedy Club @ Dulwich FC, London TICKETS
July 12th - Sooz at Sunday Cabaret @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London TICKETS

*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.08 - More Metro Sex Columns

In this bonus episode, Sooz and Michael are taking a look at the weirdly unerotic Metro sex columns, available in London's favourite free newspaper.This is just a preview of course. To hear the full episode and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
ATTENTION: HUMOUR FANS - Michael Balazo's new, much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals" is out NOW! Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for on Bandcamp now!
And be sure to check out the video for Michael's smash hit Canadian World Cup 2026 anthem "Canada is Balls."
SHOWS!
See Sooz in Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow TICKETS
June 24 - Michael Balazo performing at HELL: A Standup Comedy Show - Comedy Bar, Toronto TICKETS 
June 28th - Sooz Kempner - IMPOSTER WIP @ Chippenham Comedy Fest TICKETS
July 2nd - Sooz at Hamlet Comedy Club @ Dulwich FC, London TICKETS

E27: Sooz and Michael LIVE from Sooz's Couch!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.
This week Sooz and Michael are together on one of the nicest couches in Britain! You won't believe your ears as they recount their exciting week together, featuring everything from slugs to surprise parties to England's triumphant World Cup opening game. It's going home.
PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," featuring authentic steamy footage of Margaret Thatcher and Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet!
***
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
ATTENTION: HUMOUR FANS - Michael Balazo's new, much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals" is out NOW! Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for on Bandcamp now!
And be sure to check out the video for Michael's smash hit Canadian World Cup 2026 anthem "Canada is Balls."
 
SHOWS!
See Sooz in Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow TICKETS
June 24 - Michael Balazo performing at HELL: A Standup Comedy Show - Comedy Bar, Toronto TICKETS 
June 28th - Sooz Kempner - IMPOSTER WIP @ Chippenham Comedy Fest TICKETS
July 2nd - Sooz at Hamlet Comedy Club @ Dulwich FC, London TICKETS

E26: Vindaloo is Coming Home - The Story of England's Immortal Football Anthem

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. OK.
This week Sooz tells Michael the unbelievable story of England's immortal football anthem Three Lions. How did it happen? Why is it so suffused with melancholy? Will the guys ever record a new version? And what is Vindaloo? Listen to find out!
But first: Michael reports on Toronto's World Cup fever; Sooz triumphs on the stage; PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
***
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
On June 16, Michael Balazo is releasing his much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals". Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for pre-order on Bandcamp now!
 
And be sure to check out the video for Michael's smash hit Canadian World Cup 2026 anthem "Canada is Balls."
 
SHOWS!
See Sooz in Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow - TICKETS
June 14th - Sooz at Sunday Cabaret @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London TICKETS
June 28th - Sooz Kempner - IMPOSTER WIP @ Chippenham Comedy Fest TICKETS
July 2nd - Sooz at Hamlet Comedy Club @ Dulwich FC, London TICKETS
 
 
 

"Canada is Balls" - Canada's World Cup 2026 song by Michael Balazo

Hello LDBW listeners! With the start of the 2026 World Cup just hours away, we decided to adorn your podcast feed with Michael Balazo's new song "Canada is Balls." This song is designed to unite Canada as the country prepares to win the World Cup.
There's even a slick music video for "Canada is Balls," with editing and graphics by Sooz Kempner. CLICK HERE TO WATCH IT!
Good luck, everybody!

E25: A Peek Behind the Pub Quiz Curtain with Terrance Balazo

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Please give generously.
This week Sooz and Michael welcome veteran quizmaster/brother Terrance Balazo to the show to talk about all things pub quiz. When did they start? Has technology made cheating inevitable? And why do pub quizzes make certain nerds lose their minds and become violent? Listen to find out!
For more on Terrance's pub quizzes in Toronto and beyond, visit Another Round Trivia.
But first: Sooz gives her thoughts on why World Cup 2026 will be a massive shitshow; PLUS: a new dog-themed edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
***
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
On June 16, Michael Balazo is releasing his much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals". Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for pre-order on Bandcamp now!
SHOWS!
Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow - TICKETS
June 5th - Sooz at Comedy Network @ Corn Exchange, Newbury TICKETS
June 6th SOOZ KEMPNER: IMPOSTER WIP @ Northampton TICKETS
June 7th - Sooz at Agony Aunts @ Aces & Eights, London TICKETS
June 10th - Sooz at Keep it Clean! w/Nish Kumar @ The Comedy Store TICKETS

*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.07 - The Great Stink!

In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael all about The Great Stink of 1858, when the River Thames was so full of sewage and the sun was so hot that London got too stinky and parliament couldn't operate. Bit on the nose, lads! Literally.This is just a preview of course. To hear the full episode and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!

E24: The October Crisis - Bombs, Tanks and Chaos on the Streets of Montreal

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Hot Stuff.
This week Michael tells Sooz about one of the rudest chapters in Canada's history: the October Crisis of 1970, when, after a seven-year bombing campaign, the militant Quebec separatist group the Front de libération du Québec (FLQ) kidnapped British diplomat James Cross and Quebec Labour Minister Pierre Laporte. Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau responded by implementing the War Measures Act, which led to tanks, soldiers and snipers on the streets of Montreal. Did it end politely? Listen to find out!
But first: Sooz reports on the English heatwave; Freddie the cat is forced to take a bath; PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
***
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
On June 16, Michael Balazo is releasing his much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals". Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for pre-order on Bandcamp now!
SHOWS
May 29th - Sooz Kempner - Screaming Blue Murder @ The Core, Corby TICKETS
June 2nd - Sooz Kempner - BYOB @ Komedia, Brighton TICKETS
June 4th - Sooz Kempner - BYOB @ East Dulwich Picturehouse, London TICKETS