Long Distance, Bit Weird

UNLOCKED! Bonus Episode 3: Sex Column SPECTACULAR

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Please enjoy this!
This week we're unlocking a recent Patreon bonus episode in which Sooz reads Michael some incredibly unerotic sex columns from Metro, the UK's free commuter tabloid. If you close your eyes, you can pretend you're on an overcrowded bus... or tube!
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
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SHOWS
May 8 - Michael is at AAA #1 Best Standup Comedy Show, 8PM @ Tallboys in Toronto. TICKETS
May 10th - Sooz is a guest on Get Your Geek On, 1.30pm @ The Walrus, Brighton. TICKETS
May 10th - Sooz is performing as part of Sunday Cabaret, 5:45pm @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London. TICKETS

E21: Sooz and Michael LIVE from Bath

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Haha.
This week is a treat for fans of the popular "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News" segment, as Michael reads THREE magnificent missives that touch on subjects like tiny knives, restaurant renovation and signed garbage. Then, Sooz turns up the heat with TWO sex columns from the free commuter newspaper METRO. Will you become aroused? Who's to say. WARNING: one of the sex columns is about an old man with a dirty/stinky shirt. 
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
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SHOWS
May 2- Machynlleth, UK!  Sooz is performing a work in progress of her standup show Imposter at the Machynlleth Comedy Festival. Get your tickets HERE!

*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.05 - Michael Jackson's Doomed Hollywood Dreams

In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael some little-known facts about Michael Jackson aka the King of Pop. 
Please enjoy this free episode preview, where Sooz recounts MJ's thwarted attempts to become a movie star by playing Spider-Man, Jar Jar Binks, Willy Wonka and Peter Pan. 
If you want to hear the entire episode AND gain access to all of our bonus content, support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon.

E20: The Regrettable Men of CanCon with Jesse Hawken

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Two people from two radically different cultures.
This week, writer and podcaster Jesse Hawken drops by to talk about some VERY lucky Canadian musicians who benefited from the government's Canadian Content (CanCon) rules.
Implemented under Pierre Trudeau's government in 1971, CanCon rules were created to combat the overwhelming dominance of American music on Canadian radio, ensuring domestic artists had airplay. All of this, it was hoped, would foster a distinct Canadian cultural identity. Did it work? Hard to say. But CanCon certainly allowed guys like David Wilcox, Kim Mitchell, Gowan, Stompin' Tom and, uh, Doug and the Slugs to have careers. 
BUT FIRST: Sooz talks about a fire! Michael talks about Drake's ice sculpture! PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
Follow Jesse on Bluesky HERE. And be sure to check out his excellent podcast Junk Filter.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
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SHOWS
April 26 - Birmingham, UK! Sooz is performing at Hare of the Dog @ Hare & Hounds. Get your tickets HERE!
April 30 - Chippenham, UK. Michael is opening for Sooz at the Chippenham Comedy Club @ the Old Road Tavern. Get your tickets HERE!
May 2- Machynlleth, UK!  Sooz is performing a work in progress of her standup show Imposter at the Machynlleth Comedy Festival. Get your tickets HERE!

E19: Comedy When the World is S**t with Robin Ince

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Gross!
This week, British comedy icon Robin Ince stops by to talk about the importance of comedy in dark times, how he's stayed in love with standup, being an artist with a conscience, Chris Hadfield's impossible bicycle... and MORE! 
GOOD NEWS: an extended version of this episode featuring 45 EXTRA minutes with Robin will be available on the Long Distance, Bit Weird Patreon feed shortly.
BUT FIRST: a fun chat about nuclear annihilation and thoughts on Melania Trump. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
You can find Robin's live dates, buy his books and find out about his current projects by visiting his website.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
SHOWS
Bath, UK! Sooz is doing a work in progress performance of her standup show Imposter at the Bath Comedy Festival on April 18. Get your tickets HERE!
Machynlleth, UK!  Sooz is performing a work in progress of her standup show Imposter at the Machynlleth Comedy Festival on May 2. Get your tickets HERE!
 

*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.04 - Euphoria and Diapers

In this week's bonus episode, a sex columnist from Britain's free METRO newspaper is shocked by the trailer for the new season of Euphoria. Sooz and Michael ask when on-screen nudity and off-screen diapers are justified. 
If you want to hear more, you can get the whole episode on Patreon here!

E18: We Heart Flags - The Sexy Origins of the Union Flag & the Maple Leaf

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Haha.
This week's episode is a major treat for flag fans, as Sooz and Michael tell the shocking and sexy stories behind the Union Flag and the noble Maple Leaf. Feel free to salute while listening.
BUT FIRST: a frank discussion about the Artemis II space mission's malfunctioning toilet. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
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TORONTO, CANADA! Michael's podcast Evil Men is recording a live show on April 10 at Comedy Bar on Bloor Street. Get your tickets HERE!
BATH, UK! Sooz is doing a work in progress performance of her standup show Imposter at the Bath Comedy Festival on April 18. Get your tickets HERE!

E17: Pierre Trudeau - Canada's Horniest Prime Minister

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Cowabunga, dude.
This week, Michael tells Sooz all about late Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau's insane/glamorous love life. From beauty queens to actresses to singers and even teenagers, Swinging Pierre dated or married them all! He was a man who truly loved to honk and bonk.
BUT FIRST: Sooz tricks Michael with the ultimate April Fool's prank. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
***
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
BATH, UK! Sooz is doing a work in progress performance of her standup show Imposter at the Bath Comedy Festival on April 18. Get your tickets HERE!
TORONTO, CANADA! Michael's podcast Evil Men is recording a live show on April 10 at Comedy Bar on Bloor Street. Get your tickets HERE!

*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.03 - Sex Column SPECTACTULAR!

In this week's bonus episode, Sooz reads Michael a selection of NOT VERY EROTIC sex columns from Britain's free METRO newspaper. OOH, SEX!
If you want to hear more, you can get the whole episode on Patreon here!

E16: The Rise and Fall of British Seaside Resorts

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's like something out of sci-fi.
This week, Sooz sits Michael down and tells him about the glorious rise and regrettable fall of the British Seaside town. In the 18th and 19th centuries, coastal towns like Brighton, Southend-on-Sea and Blackpool became fashionable vacation spots for the wealthy. As the railroad expanded and workers were granted time off, these towns became accessible to all. Business was booming! But after WWII, the emergence of cheap commercial air travel combined with fascist Spain's eagerness for tourism signalled the beginning of the end of the seaside town. It's like the most depressing Beach Boys song ever written.
BUT FIRST: Sooz finds out about the jaw surgery that's popular with looksmaxxers and Michael talks about melodramatic songs written by teens. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
***
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 
***
LONDON! Sooz is performing at the Two Brewers in foggy Londontown on March 29. Get your tickets HERE!
BATH! Sooz is doing a work in progress performance of her standup show Imposter at the Bath Comedy Festival on April 18. Get your tickets HERE!
TORONTO! Michael's podcast Evil Men is recording a live show on April 10 at Comedy Bar on Bloor Street. Get your tickets HERE!